I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize