Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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