The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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