you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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