My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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