even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
