he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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