Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
