found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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