Your face is a jimmy john
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
