i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
