I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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