I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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