I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
