just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
