i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
