she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
