And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
