didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize