Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He kissed a someone with a penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
