Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
