I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
