Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
