Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
