i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
