the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
