Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
