just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
