Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
