I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
