fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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