The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
