My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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