I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
