be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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