i need an iv and a liver transplant
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
