which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
