best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
