This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
