I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
