We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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