i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
