I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
