apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
