I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
