we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
