I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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