I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
