guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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