Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
