the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
