The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
