are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
