Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
