wrigley field is MILF paradise
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
