the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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