based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
