Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize