she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
