Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
