i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
