Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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