Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
