i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
