Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
