the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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