Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
