come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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