Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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