If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
