we made out on top of his cat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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